Can't Sleep Anymore

I already can't sleep because my bed is a gulf without you in it.

I made a real effort to get on a normal schedule and I had a horrible dream that you hurt me.  You didn't do it on purpose.  I can't be angry with you for the things you do now.  You can do whatever you want.

It's stupid and selfish and irrational and I hate it.

But I still love you.  I still miss you.

Remember all those nights I slept on the couch because we were fighting about the move?  I regret every single one.  If I would've known I couldn't sleep without you, I would've hugged you tightly every night no matter how angry I was.  Even though you were breaking my heart, I would've hugged you and kissed you and thrown my arms around you every single night.  

I don't know how to get over you.  I try not to talk to you, but I miss you.  You were my best and closest friend.  You read me like a book, knew all my secrets and knew every time I was full of shit.

We were together almost my whole...adulthood. Four and a half years.  Everyone, including us, thought we'd go the distance and be together forever.  We talked about marriage.  If I hated you, it'd be so much easier.  We only has the misfortune of being at a crossroads in our lives.  You're 30, you have ideas about how your life should be.  You've worked and lived.  I've just finished grad school and I'm just starting.  We've both had opportunities the other hasn't.

I miss you.
I can't sleep yet.