Working Hard, Enough

I start a new job as a dog walker.  I'm starting by taking someone's route for a month while she is working in another city with her start up.  There was so much wrong with my old job...I can't even begin to describe all the problems.  I can't describe the relief I felt when I left.  My last day was magical.  There's a handful of people I miss but...

I ultimately left so I could focus more on my magazine, have a more flexible schedule and be happier overall. My original job seemed like a networking paradise, but it turned out not to be.  Even though it's hot, I'm looking forward to spending some time outside with a dog every day.

I don't know where to start.  I never thought I'd work so hard in school...to be in a position where dog walking felt like a major step up in terms of happiness.  Moneywise...maybe not, but definitely sanity.
I worked so hard for my MA.  I worked hard for my BAs.  I didn't see myself as a curator right away, but I definitely saw myself as working a steady, full time job.

I also didn't see myself as being such a lazy flop.  I like working on my magazine, but right now I'm lacking any kind of guidance.  I still want to do stuff- learn Spanish/relearn reading, play bass, work on more music writing.  Shit, any kind of writing.  But it's like I...If I'm not going 100 mph with set goals, I am not going anywhere.

I need to make a schedule and stick to it.  Hopefully after this month, when I get my own dog walking clients in my own neighborhood, I can make a schedule and stick to it.  It's just a lot harder without goals.

The most frustrating part though, it that I worked so hard and it didn't matter.  The economy has dealt my profession a blow it might not recover from for quite some time.  We as a society have decided that we value arts and humanities- including history- less than we value STEM fields.  STEM is rad, and arts and humanities can teach students how to express themselves in writing, to evaluate sources, think critically...I'd like to think we also value these skills.  Although maybe we value the dollar more- STEM careers are just more in demand.  And those jobs got hit much less by the sequester.

*sigh*  At least I'll have more freedom.  I think I'll finally take my trip to Sri Lanka.  I'll work the metal cruise again.  I'll try to set some goals.  Get some things done.  Try to fight this brain atrophy.  Try to stop being my own biggest critic.  Stop trying to paint my future as bleak and sad.